A year and 2 days…

As I sit on the field looking at our beautiful girls it suddenly strikes me how far we have come.

A short year that has been packed with learning, change and figuring out how to live without you.

I was determined to get to sports day, to celebrate these wonderful little people. As Heidi finished her raced I fought back tears, they came anyway. Last year they played your song on the speakers and it came like a flood. Sat here in the same field, there are no knowing looks, no head tilts, no “I’m sorry”. I am smiling and so are they.

I’m glad. The time has put that space between us in a way that hurts beyond belief, but it has gifted us with a sense of peace. I am a parent in a field watching her children succeed.

I know you are here. I see you in their determined faces. Their smiles. Their pure enjoyment. We taught them that together. You have taught them more than you could ever know.

A year brings a fresh set of memories. A celebration of how we have survived, continued. A new year of firsts that aren’t… this is not the first day without you. I have done many. And it feels wonderful. I know I can do this.

And as Isobel streaks for the finish line I remember the advice she once gave you. “I know how to run marathons Daddy. When your legs get tired you just have to tell them not to stop”.